Ah, the purely obnoxious sports parent. Dispensing helpful advice to the son, and in this case the coaches, from the sideline. Here's one that wore out his welcome.
Every other parent on the team ought to pay this guy, nothing too much, maybe 5 bucks. But give him something to show your gratitude. Because every time he opens his mouth, the other kids are thinking how glad they are that their parents aren't like that.
We haven't had a good Ol' Fashioned Crazy Soccer Coach posting in awhile. This one really ices the cake, you might even say, shoots the moon. Those poor girls are going to need counseling to get the image out of their mind.
This is one sick, rage-filled soccer mom. Thank God, she wasn't packing heat. Smacks a 68-year-old man upside the head with a chair.
Another coach in the league "said he was concerned about
parent-on-coach violence in the realm of youth sports, but he has
regrettably come to expect it.""You get one of these parents on every team," he said. "She sounds like she went a little crazy.
Really? I've been involved in youth sports for 7 years. I have yet to see a coach smackdown.
From this weekend's game: one of our defenders scored an own goal. Sometime after that my daughter heard one of the opposing team's parents yelling (and then laughing, apparently, at their brilliant wit) for the team "to score one of your own now."
Granted this may seem like a relatively minor CSP crime, particularly given some of the other things reported on this site. However, my daughter was clear that this was not meant in the spirit of sportsmanship.
I never cheer for another team's own goals. These are kids and scoring an own goal sucks. I've done it and it never feels good. Adults should just let own goals go unremarked.
Yes, the coaches sometimes make mistakes. This baseball dad and his baseball-lovin' bro believe in tough love for coaches.
My daughter's soccer team plays another team that has developed into a quasi-rival over the past 2 seasons. Both teams are good, competitive teams and the games are often very, very close. The coach for the other team, however, is a bit of a jerk. Hey, it happens.
So, the two teams recently met up. During the first half (when it was still scoreless), the coach got upset about the officiating and started barking at the ref. Said official decided he wasn't getting paid enough to listen him and immediately told him to shut his piehole (I'm paraphrasing). The coach didn't and kept barking.
"Go sit down." (the coach had a little sideline chair set up).
"I don't want to sit down."
"Go sit down. I'm not going to listen to you."
"I DON't WANT to sit down." (His tone is sounding more and more like a petulant child)
"If you don't sit down, you're going to spend the rest of the game in the parking lot."
"I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN!!" (And then he stomps off to his chair and throws his ass in it ceremoniously.)
The coach spent the rest of the game with his ass parked and it greatly improved the sideline character.
The sad thing is that his team played hard, but the focus wasn't on them - it was on their coach and his antics. Too sad...
This is a good one. After a stream of negative comments about their soccer player kid, these parents walked out of a high school soccer game in disgust.
The CSPs have been behaving themselves lately, so I'm going to have to ask Yelm, Washington's crazy (American) football parents to fill in. And, oh, are they ready...ready to rumble, that is.
Yesterday's match between perennial titans Yelm Thunderers and the Lacey Bobcats turned sour when words between parents after the game devolved into a decent-sized brawl, 1 dumbass arrested, 1 parent to the hospital and several others likely to be cited at a later date, once the prosecutors sort out the run-of-the-mill idiots from the lawbreakers.
Chuck Farrar, president of the league, said there were two to four
instigators “who took a game of second- through fourth-graders way too
seriously.”Maurice Hooper, coach of the Bobcats, said he didn’t see how the
fight started, but that “there was a lot of stuff said on both sides.”“We’re grown-ups, and it’s about the kids,” he said.
Apparently, a few parents don't share that view...
Not too much to report in Crazy Soccer Parent doings lately, so I'll treat readers with this story from China about grandparents who desperately wanted a boy. No word on whether they're soccer fans or not.
I'm so disappointed. I went to a tournament last weekend and the parents (at least the ones I was near) all behaved themselves.
So, to fill in the gaps, Here are a few items from the National Assocation for Youth Sports.
Coaches Brawl at PONY League Baseball Game
Children Cry While Coach Choked
One coach was accused of purposely knocking down a ball that had gone past an infielder.
The team’s coaches were arguing the play when an assistant coach
from the fielding team attempted to separate the two. The assistant
coach apparently bumped shoulders with the opposing coach and uttered
an obscenity; to which that coach responded by spitting gum in his
face.The assistant coach reacted immediately and began strangling the coach who had spit.
Witnesses confirmed that many of the children were crying while witnessing the violent display.
Gosh. Thanks for filling in while the soccer parents were behaving themselves, fellas.
This one really goes against all of my naive American perceptions of the Canadians as peaceful and non-violent.
You have to hand it to this crazy mom. She not only lost it, she got an off-duty cop and her husband involved in the fracas. Perhaps, if she tried a wee bit harder she could've incited an all-out sideline soccer brawl.
Not too much soccer craziness at the weekend's tournament in Lake Oswego. One California team's parents were worth mentioning. They were yelling and complaining up a storm. At one point, one of our players commented to my daughter that they "were worse than our own parents." Now, that's a statement!
And they were full of class. When one of our moms complained loudly about a call, one of their dads yelled out, "Shut up, lady." Nice. It's soooo nice to see your duaghter has a positive role model.
After the game, I overheard two of the dads talking excitedly about how they "were talking shit" to the other team's parents.
Well, done, Sport. With that checked off your list, you can go on to haranguing a 12-year-old girl, making a teenage ref cry and hey, maybe starting a brawl on the sideline. After that, there's always the Jerry Springer show for you.
A furious mother charged onto the field during a girl's soccer game in northern Norway last weekend. A 13-year-old girl from Bardufoss was physically attacked by the enraged woman during a football tournament. Not content with shouting insults at the opposing team from Bardufoss, the woman stormed onto the pitch. "A The BOIF girls were called a range of nasty names, and were also told to "get their ugly asses off the field", NRK reports. The "The referee was completely "shaky", and the players were crying," Eriksen said. The Tromsø team leader would not comment on the matter, which has been reported to regional football authorities.
female parent from the visiting team came running onto the pitch and
attacked a 13-year-old. She pushed the 13-year-old onto the ground, so
the girl was lying on her back," Tor Eriksen of the Bardufoss regional
sports association (BOIF) told NRK (Norwegian Broadcasting).
excitable mother from Tromsø was not content with insults and flinging
a girl to the ground, she then took a stranglehold on the referee and
had to be restrained by BOIF leaders.
Just got finished with a tournament in Oregon and heading right back for another one. Ah, to quote Dorothy Parker: What fresh hell is this?!
Nonetheless, the tournament CSPs were out in force this past weekend. The most annoying trend was the "I'm Talking Loudly as if No Opposing Parents Exist" CSP. These are the ones who comment on the game, and specifically on opposing players in earshot of the opposing players' parents. Some of these CSPs - we'll call them LoudTalkers - are trying to be provocative. Many, I think, are just plain ignorant.
I was fortunate to sit near a group of them Friday night in a game that pitted an underperforming Premier team vs. a district team. While the game was close this gaggle of goofballs commented loudly on how well their daughters were playing, how the other team was playing dirty and not getting whistled, and sharing nugggets of soccer strategy with an entire section of bleachers. As soon as our team went up 4-1, they got a lot quieter.
What amazes me about these ignoramuses is their bland willingness to proudly display their football ignorance like a presidential medal. All game long, they showed a basic lack of knowledge of legal tackling (i.e. it doesn't matter if the defender tackles the ball before the player, it's always a foul when their little princess gets touched). Would they walk into a museum and begin loudly extolling their mis-knowledge of 19th century impressionist painting or how Thomas Kinkade is the greatest painter alive?
The other comment on this point has to do with the commentary on opposing players. You're talking about somebody's kid or the teammates of somebody's kid. How do you think the opposing parents feel about that? How would you feel if they were loudly dissecting why you're kid is a terrible midfielder?
I believe the next time I hear this sort of conversation, I'll walk up and introduce myself and say, "Pardon me, you've been very kind in analysing our team's poor (thuggish, unskilled, fill in the blank) play. Could you tell me your daughter's number so that I can return the favor?"
You know these ones. They're the parents who scream for a yellow or red card when a foul occurs (or they think one occurs).
That's a card, ref
You've got to pull a card out for that one.
The absurdity of these claims are extreme. First of all, very few of these parents are trained referees, and while referees often get it wrong, they are at least trained to judge things like intent, seriousness of the foul, consistent patterns. These parents see something they don't like and immediately call for the card.
Secondly, do they actually think that yelling for a card will cause the ref to award one?
Oh, now that I've been reminded by the sideline, I do think that I shall award a yellow card to that player
Unlikley. And when parents begin yelling for cards, it's an insult to the parents on the other sideline. Typically, they respond by issuing their own call for cards. So, now you have two sets of idiots issuing congtradictory calls for referee action.
This fosters antagonism between the parents. Not a good thing. I'm actually surprised I haven't seen a fight break out between parents over this yet.
Here's an idea for an automatic red card rule. Any parent heard shouting for a card shall immediately be awarded one in the color of red and ejected from the sideline. For good measure, let's make them sit in their car for the next 3 games.
Ah, tournaments. They bring out the best in the CSPs. My favorite is the parents whose coach gathered them together before a game, telling them to keep it positive. When their team then went out and played a notably subpar game, a sizeable number of same parents began making negative comments: "Come ON, Girls!" (said, dripping with disappointment), loudly critiquing the refs, and verbally jousting with the other team's parents.
Well, at least when the players dont' listen to the coach, they'll know where they get it from.
At the tournament we're at I started chatting with a coach who has one of the best boys teams in the country at one of the upper age levels. His team has joined a new "super league" for the top 20 teams in the country. Therewith, he and his team fly all over the country playing soccer. These are 16 and 17-year-old kids, mind you.
I asked him what he thought of that and he said that the move in this direction was pricing kids out of the sport. We both agreed that soccer was the simplest of games. All you need are two kids and something round - it doesn't even have to be a ball. In poor areas, kids are known to create their own soccer ball out of rolled up newspaper fixed together with tape. There are as many variations as you can think of. Numbers of players, shape and size of the playing "field", choices in goal, number and postioning of field players. Soccer is a highly mutable sport that can be played just about anywhere and by anyone.
So, here in America, in the name of developing the very best youth players as possible, we are creating a "premier" soccer system that focuses on excluding the vast majority of players by making it very expensive and requiring huge amounts of time investment by parents in transportation and travel.
As the coach and I talked about this we both noted that some of the best teams we see are stocked with hispanic kids. Most of them are not from wealthy areas. But these kids grow up in an environment steeped in futbol. They don't have to be driven to the sports fields to practice, it is all around them. In their backyards. At school. Their dads, uncles, older brothers all play.
In the area where I live, after the youth soccer teams leave the field (and after my over-40 team drags its collective butt from the pitch), the hispanic players descend en masse to the field. Sometimes there are as many as 50 or 60, sometimes a handful (but usually a larger number). Sometimes they practice shooting on each other, with players taking turns at goal. Usually, they engage in free-flowing scrimmage games without shooting, in which the goal is posession and passing. These games can be 4 v 4 or 20 v 20, it just depends on who is there.
The skills these players show are pretty impressive. They build their knowledge of the game and their vast inventory of skills by repeated scrimmages. There are no paid coaches, no English trainers who used to play League 2 ball in the old country. It's just a mix of ages, older players passing down their skills and knowledge to the younger players. And that's one of the things that's so impressive. There's no separation based on age. The groups make room for the younger kids and the adults can be seen giving tips and suggestions to the younger players.
I imagine this is why some of the poorest countries in the world produce incredible talents like Ronaldinho or Kaka. I suspect it's not because they price the poorest kids out of the game.
Something really stinks in the world of American youth soccer.
In the last century, the Know Nothing Movement was a political movement that arose briefly to combat the influence of Irish Catholic immigrants. The term arose from the secrecy of the movement. When asked about it, members were supposed to respond, "I know nothing." Similarities to Sergeant Schultz of TV's Hogan's Heroes are entirely accidental.
In somewhat the same vein, the Know Nothing Soccer Parent resists any knowledge of the basic rules and strategy of the game we call football. What's more, they have no interest in ever educating themselves about silly things like rules and fundamentals. They are on the sideline to yell. Something. Loudly.
At one tournament in the not too distant past I got a chance to observe a small herd of KNSPs, middle-aged dads who had probably never experienced soccer until their DDs started to play. They had wanted sons, so they could have a boy play real football, but they were making do as best they could.
One of their team's players kicked the ball so that it struck an opponents arm. "Hand ball! Hand ball, ref!"
The ref rightly ruled that it was ball to hand, and had no significant influence on the control of the ball, so he let it go. The dads started yelling and then grumbling amongst themselves about the ref's bias against their team in not giving them the hand ball call that was rightfully theirs.
Straight up shoulder-to-shoulder challenges were also fair game. "They're pushing our girls!" The dads became indignant about the ref's ignoring these vicious, aggressive (but, of course, entirely legal, by the rules of the game) challenges.
But what really set them off were the slide tackles. One girl in particular from the opposing team had excellent technique. When the KNSPs team was mounting an attack, she executed a perfect slide tackle, taking the ball in its entirety away from the attacker, who then fell down under the challenge.
The sideline exploded. That had to be a foul! Our girl's on the ground! The ref signaled "play on" and this gesture, misunderstood by the men, added insult to injury. That girl took our player down and you signal play on, ignoring our cries for justice!
The men had not even finished their grumbling when a repeat situation occurred, different attacker, same slide tackler, but this one was in the box. When the girl went down, they leapt up in protest again. But this time they were certain that their team deserved a penalty kick.
Again, the tackler got all ball and the ref waved "play on." The dads screamed and howled in protest. They were livid. Finally, the tackler turned to them in disgust (this is a 12-year-old girl) and yells back at them, "It's a legal challenge! I got all ball."
I admired the young lady for standing up for herself and attempting to educate the ignorant. However, she could've brought chalk and a chalkboard and it would've done little good. These men were simply unwilling (and perhaps unable) to understand the concept of a legal tackle centered on defending the ball, and the player's body hitting the ground as a consequent action of the ball tackle.
Another common example of the KNSP, are the parents who believe the game of football to be centered around the art of the long, hard kick upfield, downfield, or out of bounds. These are the parents who yell enthusiastically every time their little Mia smacks the ball long, regardless of whether it results in anything positive for the team. For these KNSPs, the game of football is less a strategic team sport than it is a quasi-track and field event, in which 11 players attempt to set personal distance records in the run and kick competition.
...and nothing you can tell them will change their minds.
Parents often focus on refs and the injustices they do to their little Tiffany or Chip. Refs are almost universally adjudged to blow the whistle (or sit on it) to the other team's advantage.
There's a special type of CSP that makes this claim at the same time they commit the very same sin.
The One-Way Soccer Parent (also known as the See No Evil Soccer Parent) only sees the fouls committed against their kid and their kid's team. Their kid, however, could pull a knife and shank an opposing player and the OWSP would cheer their progeny on, yelling things like, "That's a tackle!" and "Yeah, way to stick in!" If the ref calls a foul, the OWSP will ignore the knife sticking out of the opponent's back and begin working the ref.
"Let 'em play, ref."
"Call it both ways!"
The problem (or that is, one of the problems) with the OWSP is that their partisanship is blind to the sport of football, which is, at its core, a contact sport. People use their body to gain and keep control of the ball. Fouls occur as part of the game, and its really only the cheap shot or dangerous play that merits mention from the sideline. You only embarrass your kid when you complain about the run of the mill physical contact, like the mommy who won't let her son play in the snowball fight because he might get his eye put out. It's football. If you don't want them to have contact with the opponents, sign her up for volleyball where they keep both sides separated.
Also at the LPTs' first weekend in Pasco, I witnessed the world record setting bottle smash by one aggrieved soccer parent. This was in a game going on at the field next to us. I don't know too much about what precipitated the action, but I had begun to hear quite a bit of bitching and moaning about the reffing in the game. It built up and then finally, erupted into howls of protest as someone's Little Mia got clattered about without a whistle. I turned to see what was happening and witnessed the man directly behind me wind up his arm, windmill it above his head and throw down with all the mighty righteous indignation a soccer match deserves, his plastic water bottle.
Now, maybe it was the amount of water remaining in the bottle (it appeared to be full). Or maybe it was the superhuman strength this man possessed, whether natural, or artificially enhanced by the crimes of the referee, but that water bottle bounced at least 14 feet in the air.
Sadly, it seemed that the man who set the record, was too angry to appreciate his feat, as he stormed up the sidelines, leaving the area even before the bottle returned back to the surly bonds of the Earth.
I don't know what ultimately happened in that soccer game, but I left the field that evening knowing that I had witnessed a true athletic achievement of historic proportions.
There's nothing like a high stakes tournament to bring out the CRAZY in CSPs. And last week's Washington League Placement Tournament in Pasco, Washington was no exception. My favorite is a man I will call Crazy Wii Dad.
I first noticed CWD while standing off to the side of a game, chatting with a fellow team parent, while waiting for the coaches to arrive prior to our team's warm-up. An older girl's game was going on 30 feet away from us. I hadn't paid too much attention to the game, other than to note the clubs involved.
That changed, however, as my conversation with my fellow parent was disrupted by the sounds, nay, call them shrieks - of a male on the sideline:
C'mon, ref! Blow the whistle. She's all over her back. Geezuz!
I look over and girls are getting themselves up from the sort of
collision that often occurs throughout soccer games. He then repeated the accusation, as both clarification and statement of how his team was being victimized.
Geez. Come on, ref. She was all over her back!! You gotta blow that whistle.
This was yelled so loud, the ref looked over at the man, shook his head 'no' and went back to the game.
As soon as the game re-started, the man starts yelling again. My fellow soccer parent and I are transfixed by this CSP.
"Come on!" - this appears to be his favorite phrases. "Let's go, girls." "Yeah!"
He screams out something with every move, every dribble, every tackle. But he's not yelling this as you or I might yell encouragement at a soccer
game. He's screaming with feverish intensity, as if the outcome of the
match depends on the volume and conviction of his voice. There is a distinct Lord of the Flies sound to his voice, as if he is just one goal or one bad call away from descending into violent, tribalistic behavior.
He is dressed in khaki shorts and a polo shirt. A baseball cap obscures his gray hair and he has a full, gray beard. He is in his 50s I'd estimate and moderate build, with the sort of suggestion of modest fitness golfers often have.
As I watch him scream, he moves his body along with the game, as if he is playing a Wii version of the match that's taking place on the field, controlling player movements and kicks with his body. On a shot toward goal, he makes a flaccid little half kick, that from where I'm standing, looks absolutely ridiculous. This comes with another, "Yeah!! That's it!"
The team fails to score, though, and as the play moved back toward his area of the field, he backpedals, then he does a little move that I've never seen before, and attacks, screaming all the while.
I find myself watching this crazed dad instead of the game. It is both amusing and pathetic at the same time.
I wonder who is this guy? What does he do for a living? Does he act like a jackass in other phases of his life? At work? At PTA meetings?
I don't ask myself whether he's ever played soccer. It's clear he hasn't. It's also clear that everyone else associated with his daughter's team has adjusted to him and his antics. He is alone on the sideline. Coaches, players, other parents, there is no one within 20 yards of him.
I got the idea for this blog after years of being a soccer parent (and sometimes being a crazy soccer parent) and watching outrageous, stupid, and sometimes quite unbelievable behavior on the part of adults on the sidelines of youth soccer games.
There's just too much crazy goodness out there to keep to myself.
So, as the soccer crazy season begins, I'll begin posting my observations here. If it gets read, great. If people see this, and want to share their own observations, Brilliant!
As a modicum of back story, I have three daughters who have played youth soccer (2 currently active) in Washington State, going back to 2001. Their experience spans the range of recreational soccer to the top level premier football in the state.
Here we go...
