More Tournaments CSPs

Just got finished with a tournament in Oregon and heading right back for another one. Ah, to quote Dorothy Parker: What fresh hell is this?!

Nonetheless, the tournament CSPs were out in force this past weekend. The most annoying trend was the "I'm Talking Loudly as if No Opposing Parents Exist" CSP. These are the ones who comment on the game, and specifically on opposing players in earshot of the opposing players' parents. Some of these CSPs - we'll call them LoudTalkers - are trying to be provocative. Many, I think, are just plain ignorant.

I was fortunate to sit near a group of them Friday night in a game that pitted an underperforming Premier team vs. a district team. While the game was close this gaggle of goofballs commented loudly on how well their daughters were playing, how the other team was playing dirty and not getting whistled, and sharing nugggets of soccer strategy with an entire section of bleachers. As soon as our team went up 4-1, they got a lot quieter.

What amazes me about these ignoramuses is their bland willingness to proudly display their football ignorance like a presidential medal. All game long, they showed a basic lack of knowledge of legal tackling (i.e. it doesn't matter if the defender tackles the ball before the player, it's always a foul when their little princess gets touched). Would they walk into a museum and begin loudly extolling their mis-knowledge of 19th century impressionist painting or how Thomas Kinkade is the greatest painter alive?

The other comment on this point has to do with the commentary on opposing players. You're talking about somebody's kid or the teammates of somebody's kid. How do you think the opposing parents feel about that? How would you feel if they were loudly dissecting why you're kid is a terrible midfielder?
I believe the next time I hear this sort of conversation, I'll walk up and introduce myself and say, "Pardon me, you've been very kind in analysing our team's poor (thuggish, unskilled, fill in the blank) play. Could you tell me your daughter's number so that I can return the favor?"